I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
My feet surprised me
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
