the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
