And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
