I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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