The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
