pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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