OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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