Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
