i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
