your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
