no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
