I think im going to throw up on grandma
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
