the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
