Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
