I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
