We named our party play list daddy issues
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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