I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
