I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
