I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
