all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
