How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
it hurts more in the daytime
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
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Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
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He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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