I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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