there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
