Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
