don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
