i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
