After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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