I don't usually arrange sex via text message
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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