On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
