Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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