Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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