I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
