Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
