HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
