I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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