census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
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does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
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So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize