Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
