then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
