No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
