Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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