dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
