wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
