bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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