I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
