so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
