So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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