He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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