One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You've changed since you got that strap on
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
