Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
