remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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