The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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