@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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