I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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