The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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