On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
