come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
