You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Is it penis luge time yet?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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