Too much gin, very little bucket
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
