I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
time to smoke my breakfast
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.