we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
That accounts for only three of the penises
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?