He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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