just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
