i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She told me I should be a condom model.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
