whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
